Walking helps me find my solitude.
As I keep myself walking in slow striding in the streets, I began to ask myself, “Where am I going?”
A longer pause.
“What am i supposed to do?”
Looking around me like a blurry scenery; People walking fast to get to their next appointment; People waiting for someone; People enjoying the view; People taking out their devices to capture the priceless memories. Everything seems out of nowhere. How can I fit in?
Now, I’m standing in the pavement looking around me. Everything seems a drastic moment. I wonder what they’re thinking. I wonder if their minds wander to somewhere else when they’re here.
Again, I take a few steps to allow everything around me to sink in.
I am lost and nowhere to go.
People around me didn’t know how I feel right now. They seem to be satisfied with the poker face that I plastered while walking around. They never seem to decipher the feeling of lost. The confusion that rush to my veins.
I can’t take this anymore. I am dumbfounded with no reasons at all.
I am scared that flashes of events came across my eyes until I wasn’t able to take a step.
Why am I like this? As if I exist with no reason at all. Beyond the striking heat of the sun, I feel numb. I don’t understand why.
Everything is unfamiliar. It was a thing that I observe in the state of misery. It seems that it was made without me. Everything seems to be foreign.
A lot of things and questions clouded my mind that in a bit of a second, I forgot that I was crossing the streets while the green light is on.
Everything happens so fast.
Few seconds, I feel a strong impact that hits my side.
Few seconds, I feel like I’m flying like a toy being thrown in the air.
Few seconds, I was lying in the middle of the road. Seeing the sky on it’s bluest state. I feel numb from all the pain that crosses over my body. I feel empty but free from all the misery.
Few seconds, people crowded around me. Checking if I’m still breathing and touching my hand to feel the pulse that signifies that I’m still alive.
I heard someone shouting to call the ambulance to anyone who is there to witness.
While the one who is checking on me keep saying “Hold on dear, the ambulance will be here soon.”
I heard them but I was too busy seeing the end of the road calling me to go there. To follow the light that continue to brighten each second the longer that I looked into it..
I was hesitant to stand because my body feels weak but I gather all my strength and show them I’m fine and let them mind their own business.
One. Two. Three. I’m up and standing fine but still a lot of people buzzing around me and a nearing sound of siren is coming in our way.
I keep shouting that I’m fine and mind their business but as I take another step, a solid thing stopped me.
I looked down and froze.
There I was lying like sleeping in the middle of the street but full of blood dripping all over my head and upper body. My white shirt turns to red because of it.
I was lying helpless.
I am dead.
But no, this isn’t true! I am not dead! This is just a dream!
I kneel down and shake my body to wake up but to no avail, I’m not responding to my own touches.
As I continue to wake myself, the paramedics rush in front of me without minding me shaking my own body.
They lifted me to a stretcher and immediately put me inside in the ambulance to rush into the nearest hospital that is 15 km away from here. I know everything because I rode with them because they have my body and it seems that it’s kind of absurd to let them take my body without me.
In the middle of the trip, the paramedic that helps me to keep me alive stopped.
“Why are you stopping? Can’t you seen I’m dying?” I pleaded to him.
As if he answers my question but he’s actually talking to the paramedic beside me, “She’s not responding man. Her pulse rate continue to decrease.”
“Talk to her Jones. She can hear you. Ask her to help herself.” says the paramedic beside me.
Jones holds my hand and look at me in all sincerity, “Look, I don’t know a thing or two about you but it’s my job to keep you alive while we’re going to the hospital. Hold on and help me out to keep you breathing but if you choose to not cooperate, then I don’t have the right to hold you from letting go. It’s okay honey, I understand if you want to let go. If you don’t want to live again, just let go and I’m letting you. But if you do, please cooperate with me. The decisions is in you. I know you hear me. It is you alone can help yourself. Let go and forever be at peace or hold on and continue to live. Decide now because time is sweeping away and I hope you don’t regret anything. I just want you to know, you’re my first patient because it’s my first day of job right now. Maybe, for the record, you will be my first patient that dies. I don’t know what to say. Just decide and I’m here to support you.”
A tear involuntarily escapes my eyes and as if on cue, Jones takes it as a sign of cooperating with him as he continues to help me live my life until I was being assisted in the hospital.
One year ago, I was in the state of dying but there’s this stranger who wants me to decide if it’s worth it to let go of my life and be at peace forever. However, I was touch that I was his first patient to be attended to and it gives me the strength that I needed to live. I maybe not able to live up by my own but these people around me keeps me continue to live my life to the fullest.
Right now, I decided to take part to these people that keeps me alive. I decided to become a paramedic while studying medicine.
I choose not to live on my own but I choose to live with others.
I choose to save someone’s life like the paramedics save my life in the road a year ago.
I choose to live and be the person out of many to encourage victims of losing like me.
I choose because I have to make my second life worth it.
Hello! This is my very first one shot story that I wrote and finish it.
It is inspired by Gayle Forman’s story “If I stay”.
Hope you guys like it and you’re welcome to comment or suggest a thing or two.So, what do you think?
Thank you for reading it. God bless.
Copyright. 26 June 2014.