Dear self, susuko ka na nga ba?

This was an intended blog post way back  1st sem, First year (2015) in Law school. I didn’t remember I have this one until I saw it saved in my google drive.

“See you next year sa Crim law 1 take 2!” Patawa na sabi namin sa isa’t-isa pagkatapos ng final exam namin sa Criminal Law 1. Itinawa na lang namin ang problema na tila hinampas sa amin sa harap pero todo deny parin kami. Oo, pinilit namin na idaan lahat sa biro kahit deep inside nakakapanghihinayang at napakasakit.

Masakit. Masakit ang bumagsak for the first time in my 21 years of existence. Nakakapanibago dahil naipasa ko nga ang first board exam ng psychometrician na wala kaming ideya sa lalabas pero ang criminal law 1 na isang semester pinag-aralan namin pero hindi ko parin nagawang ipasa kahit sa midterms man lang at sigurado ako na hindi ko rin naipasa ang final exam.

Saan nga ba ako nagkulang?

Kung mas pinag-igihan ko pa kaya ang pagmemorize ng provisions baka naipasa ko? O di kaya, kung mas sinaulo ko pa ang mga ganap  at dinigest ng maayos  ang  assign cases, naitawid ko kaya? O kung nag volunteer ako sa recitations sa mga pagkakataon na pwede mag volunteer?

Aminado naman ako nagkulang ako. Ayoko sisihin si Judge kung bakit ganyan kahirap ang exams niya. Sabi nga niya, “Walang personalan.” Tama naman siya. Kaya hindi ko siya sinisisi sa problema na ako lang ang may alam kung paano makabawi.

Ang tanong, Kaya ko pa ba? Dear Self, susuko ka na ba?

Ang isang tanong na tila bumabagabag simula nang na-feel ko ang lahat ng hirap sa Law school. Akala ko madali, akala ko pwede na ang efforts ko pero hindi pa pala. Isang maling akala. Wala naman kasi nagsabi sa akin na mahirap maitawid ang lahat ng ganap sa law school. Sobrang hirap na tila gusto mo na mag withdraw right at that moment pero hindi ko ginawa.

Hindi ako masochista para mag enjoy na masaktan at lalong lalo hindi ako sadista na gusto manakit. Isa lang akong simpleng babae na may pangarap maging isang tanyag na abogada.

I know that studying law wouldn’t be easy like a piece of cake. And I admit truly that my best wasn’t good enough.

At ang bumagsak sa isang subject ay hindi na panibago.

Alam niyo yung feeling na naibigay mo na ang lahat pero hindi parin sapat? Yan ang nafefeel ko kapag nag aaral ako sa criminal law. Hindi ko alam kung bakit nahihirapan ako. Naging madali naman ang PERSONS at CONSTI LAW 1 pero pagdating sa Crim hindi ko magawa.

Pero kahit ganun, patuloy parin ang buhay.

Aminado naman kasi ako na nagkulang ako sa unang semester sa law school. Ang efforts ko ay pang mediocre at ito ang naging puno’t dulo ng pagkakamali ko. Sana ay naitama ko na mas maaga pero hindi eh, hinayaan ko lang at pinagsisihan ko. I intended to lose my hope and passively give up when I know I’m losing. Nasaan na ba ang babae na palaban noon? Nasaan na ba ang babae who enrolled Organic Chemistry section for chemistry majors and manage to survived? Nasaan na ba ako sa punto ng buhay ko?

xxx

After two years, andito parin ako sa Law school, fighting to third year irregular status. Same school pa din and felt relieved that I survived one of the hardest semester that I had after the time this post was intended. I also manage to passed all my criminal law subjects. One take na ako sa criminal law 2. I learned from my mistake and brave enough to try again. Naisip ko nga if I quit, nasaan na nga ako ngayon? Pagsisihan ko rin ba na hindi ako nagpatuloy?

Pahirap ng pahirap na ang law school but andito parin ako, nagpakatatag para sa pamilya ko at para sa bayan. I know this is my destiny. It is just a matter of time when will this destiny be fulfilled. Definitely, it will be on God’s perfect time. This law school setbacks is a preparation for a major comeback that you will emerged victorious.

May random moments na naiisip ko ang panghihinayang sa pagkakataon na sinayang ko. But I always believe in everything happens for a reason and we always have our perfect time. Hindi man yan ngayon pero alam mo na dadarating yan. We have our own moments of “breakdown to breakthrough”. And this is the reason why I keep going with this destiny.

As Howie Day’s Collide song goes, “Even the best fall down sometimes”. It made me realize that for once, it is okay to fail and learn from it. Kailan ba naging krimen ang bumagsak? Kailan ba naging bawal ang failures sa buhay? What is important is we learn from it and work harder.

Lalaban ako para sa pangarap, para sa pamilya, at para sa bayan.

xxx

To the one reading this:

If you’re one of the people who criticized me and my family since then and still do, you don’t have the right to judge me of my failures because first and foremost, you have your own set of failures. Second, you won’t have to lived my life and take that as a relief than a losing bet. Lastly, who are you to judged me in the midst of your imperfect life?

Don’t worry, I acknowledge my own failures and strive hard to be a better version of myself. If my failure gives you entertainment and a gossip worth-telling to the world, you are free to do so but remember, I won’t give you the benefit to enjoy my misery. I’m still going to fight for my dreams and emerge victorious. Just watch me in proving you wrong.  I’m quoting Miss Philippines Universe 2016, Maxine Medina’s message to her bashers, “3 words to my bashers: I love you”.

The CSR dream to Law School

You might be wondering about the title and ask out of nowhere,”what is she talking about?” For once, I had to disclosed a part of myself that was left buried for a longest time. Even my parents never knew about this (Mom, Dad, if you’re reading my blog please read ’til the end).

Yes. I dreamed to be a courtside reporter like the ones in UAAP or PBA games. The kind of job that is both tiring and thrilling. Reporting about the game and learning a thing or two from it is something I wanted. Some might think that my dream is too shallow for a girl who always been competitive and superior. For me, it’s one of the most challenging job a person can have. Reporting live is no joke. You can’t redo if you’ll mistakenly said a word. It’s always be a show must go on hyped.

I have high respect from all the people working as journalist, may it be in media or press. All my life I’ve been exposed how journalist does for a living. Being a daughter of one of the most respected journalist in town is something that I’m proud of.

Growing up to a family who are basketball fans, watching the games is something that I really enjoy the most. Now that I’m old enough, cheering for a rival school community isn’t an issue for me. Who cares if I cheer and support the white, gold and black? Anyway, going back to where I left off, it is one of my dreams to venture into journalism may it be on TV or writing.

But life has another idea for me and that’s law school.

Law school happened to the girl who dreamed to become a courtside reporter. Somehow the thrill is the same with being a csr since you can’t redo what you answered during recitations but you can however justify it when there’s a follow-up question.

I’m not regretting that I’m in lawschool now instead of chasing my dream to become a courtside reporter. I know that everything happens for a purpose. I may not be a courtside reporter who delivers reports about the game but sooner, I’ll be the person who will stand to defend a person of his right. I’m happy where I am now despite the stressed and sleepless nights. This blogpost will remind me that for once, I wanted to be a courtside reporter but life has greater opportunity and that is to become a lawyer and advocate for social justice. 🙂

[photo credits to the owner featuring one of my favorite UAAP courtside reporter of UST Kristelle Batchelor who happens to be a writer as well]

#WomaninAction: The importance of “Who amI?”

March 28, 2016.

I was invited to gave an inspirational talk to my high school Alma mater, Pilgrim Christian College, during this school year’s recognition day.

Nervous and excitement were the two words that perfectly described how I felt from making the speech up to the recognition day.  It made realize me that the jitters I felt  was much worse than having everyday oral recitations in law school (I’m not exaggerating this one).  Actually, I love talking and sharing to others but this one was different in a way that I must act as someone who the younger people must draw inspiration with. Plus, this was my first time to had a speech in my Alma mater (I wasn’t able to have one when I became the Regular Class Valedictorian–maybe I should take time to talk about this one in another post).

For the record, I was not given a theme to focus on but I decided to give them a heads up not on failing but to stay grounded into who they are as a person before who they are to others. I enjoyed writing the speech since I was able to apply my experiences and lessons that I learned as a psychology graduate and how it will relate to current issues in the country as a citizen (making it also an advantage as a law student).

So, here’s the full text of my speech during the recognition day (though I inserted some points or alterations to fully engage with the students).

First of all, thank you for inviting me to speak before you today. It is an honor to share this day with you acknowledging your success in this school year with your proud parents and significant others.  Let’s not also forget to share this moment with your teachers who impart knowledge and wisdom as you go on in this journey.  Before I will proceed with my speech, may I request everybody to give our parents and teachers a round of applause for a job well done.

My role, according to the invitation is to give an inspirational talk and as I was trying to produce this speech I kept asking myself, “What message will I impart today as a 21 year old woman who’s still chasing her goals in life?”  Well, I’m here today not to give all the praises on how this institution molded you into who you are but I’m here to talk about to focus on yourselves- your uniqueness and beauty as an individual in gracing this world.  The implementation of the K to 12 program along with the ASEAN Integration, on which our country involves, is no foreign to us. This big leap of change does not only affect this country as a nation but also our lives as a citizen.  In relation to my aim in focusing this speech on yourselves, the key to conquer these drastic changes is in your hands.

It is important for us to discover who we really are and with that, I want you to ask yourselves the question “Who am I?” This question does not limit you to who you really are as a person but it broadens to who you are as a son/daughter, as a student, as a friend and as a citizen in this society. But before you can be a person to others, it is vital for you to know who you really are as a person.  As a psychology graduate, I’ve learn a lot of theories and principles on why a person acted the way they are and how it cause impact to his/her surroundings. I discovered that the primary crisis of a person is within his self, making self-discovery a stimulus to produce massive changes that can cause problems in the future.

When I was in high school, I’ve been involved to a lot of extra-curricular activities while focusing to get good grades. I was an over achiever athlete who dreamed to reach Palarong Pambansa while staying focus to my first responsibility which was to be an honor student. It all started with just an ambition but little by little, I was able to achieve it. Unfortunately, it cost me a part of myself.  Despite of being successful, I was bullied.  For my last two years in high school, I was alone most of the time and the library was my solitude.  I still endured the effect of bullying after I graduated in high school. It put me into the pedestal of having trust issues. On the brighter side of this traumatic event of my life, I can say that it molded me to the person that I am today because I never let bullying be the hindrance for me to fulfill my ambition. Instead of breaking down and isolate myself, It fueled me to achieve more and prove to them that I can be who I want to be. Of course, I couldn’t do it without the support of my family and the people who stayed in the lowest point of my life. 

What’s my point in sharing this with you? My point is to say you have a choice. A choice on how you will take the stones being thrown on you as you go on with this life.  We all know that life is not always walking on sunshine; sometimes it’s like a walk in the park, a Jurassic park rather. And it is in your hands as to how you will take these situations. Well, your surroundings play a part of it but then, it is within yourself that will make these things be on your favor or not.  So basically, it goes back to the question “Who am I?”  because if you already know who you really are, no matter how many stones this life will throw on you, you can dodge it confidently and throw it back with your achievements.

It is about finding and knowing yourself as a person and your attitude towards this world where it can take you to greater heights of your ambitions. Because once you know the answer of the question “who am I?” everything will follow. The values and principles that your education gives you will help you on this journey.  I’m not in the position to give you principles to live by but I’m here to say to find within yourselves these principles and be the person who you really are.

Also, take note that self-discovery and achieving your ambitions doesn’t have labels. It only comes with fairness and everybody is entitled for it. You don’t need to be the smartest to be the person who you want to be. Everybody can do it no matter what your social status or how simple you are. If you think you’re not worth it then think again because no matter how chaotic your life now, you are still entitled to make your dreams happen. Like what I’ve said a while ago, you have a choice to be the person who you wanted to be. It is your attitude to face the trials in life that will make you successful.   As long as you have the burning desire to soar high and reach your dreams then you can achieve it and to touch the ground not crashing but landing gracefully.

Lastly, be the captain of your ship called “self” because we only live once;  might as well make the most out of it.  Don’t let the test of life be the hindrance of achieving your full potential but instead, make these test as your testimony to inspire others. But most importantly, to glorify the Lord because we can do all things through Him who strengthens us.

To everybody on this auditorium, keep the fire burning of reaching your dreams and set the world on fire by using your education. Also, be a blessing to others because you are truly blessed and privilege to be given the opportunity to study.

So go forth and fight a good fight in this life.

Once again, congratulations to everybody whether awardee or not because you have reach this far. May you continue to conquer more in this life and aspire to inspire others. Mabuhay kayong lahat!

Thank you and God bless us all. 

At the end of the day, I pray that my speech ignites an inspiration to the students who were there and to the parents and teachers to support them. Because above all things, everyone should be fighting a good fight in faith for God’s Glory.

One school year down #OfftotheBAR

Hey guys! Guess what? It’s summer break already! Yay! I’m so happy that my most awaited and much-needed break is finally here and can’t wait to get bored all over it HAHAHA. Anyway, aside from having my most awaited break, what makes me more happy is when it finally dawned in me that I just survive first year law. Like OMG, I can’t believe it. I mean, I’ve been having a hard time catching up with everything and crying over it because I was so stressed and there were times that I wanted to just give up on law school and move on with my life. But on the other note, I can’t imagine myself without law school in my life so it is definitely one of my best decisions to stay and hurdle in studying the law.

To be given a chance to study law is both a privilege and a responsibility. Privilege because not everyone is given a chance to be in law school. True enough, many were called but only few chose to pursue the calling and take the challenge. In another sense, it is a responsibility because studying law means you’re not just equipping youself to be knowledgeable of the law but you’re preparing to serve justice to the society. To be in law school is not just for personal interest but also for the interest of serving and preserving truth and justice.

Through out my first year, I can say that I’ve changed in a good way. Aside from learning to multi-task and digesting everything in a short span of time, I learned from the people in law school. The age difference among us helped me to understand how life and society works. And it really amaze me that I was able to have a clear picture of the stages in life that I’ve learned in my theories of personality in Psychology (Psychology is my pre-bar degree). I love how I learned to embrace the mix of culture and philosophies of different walks in life.

Second, I found home in Portia Sorority. They made me a woman who is bold, brave and beautiful. They helped me overcome my personal issues and learn to open up with them. Most importantly, I’ve found the sisterhood that I always wished for.

Third, all the teasing and bantering helps me to be grounded that it’s okay to have fun even in law school.

Fourth, there are things better off to be experience on your own and no words can compensate such feeling.

Despite of all the stress, I’m enjoying my stay and fully driven every single moment to achieve more. #ToBarandBeyond

 

 

Starry, Starry Night: XU COLLEGE OF LAW TESTIMONIAL DINNER

August 8, 2015

Most of the law students traded their books and codals to glitz and glamour for the annual testimonial dinner celebrated by Xavier University Ateneo de Cagayan College of Law. The said celebration is for the newly BAR Passers (from XU College of Law) to share and shed inspiration to the aspiring law students who, in the near future, will also take the BAR Examination (If they’ll be able to survive law school).

On this year’s theme: Starry, Starry Night, it shows on how the new “lawyers” shine the brightest star in the night that everyone in the room was filled with enthusiasm and aspire to strive hard in Law school.

Also, this year’s guest speaker, Mr. Virgilio Mendez, NBI Chief, shared that the secret in surviving law school is to have commitment, guts and perseverance. He also challenge the new lawyers to help those who are in need especially the poor in acquiring justice. True enough, an Atenean values equipped lawyer should embody the College of Law’s mission:

To be an Advocate for Others (derived from the University’s mission:To be man and woman for others).

The night went well and filled with a burning desire to aspire in achieving to survive law school and eventually became a lawyer. Everybody is excited and claiming it that one day, each one of us will be invited to the annual testimonial dinner but not just as an aspiring lawyer but as a lawyer who plans to be a great lawyer and commits oneself to be an advocate for others.

Because once an Atenean, will always be an Atenean. No matter what happens, we will strive to be a person for others.


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With Kuya HeathCliff and Kuya Ambo 🙂

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Block A Groufie! (Not complete)

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BLOCK A Ladies in blue 🙂

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With Estelle 🙂

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Left to right: Joshua, Me, Mark and Angela

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HMUA: Alex Artistic Salon-Velez Branch

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Close up look on the details of my midnight blue dress

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Though this one is in black and white, my #OOTN was a midnight blue sleeveless dress with lace patterns in the front partnered with purple heels.

Even Keel Mantra

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “On the Edge.”

We all have things we need to do to keep an even keel — blogging, exercising, reading, cooking. What’s yours?

I think all my everyday agendas need an even keel because I slacked most of the time especially when I was so engrossed in one thing and I can be doing that for the whole week. Also, I really mastered the art of cramming which I think it’s not a good one since I just settle to something acceptable or mediocre product instead of  the best that I can give.

My Time Management shouts for an even keel mantra.

Presently, I enrolled to a higher degree program which is law school which means a lot of cases to be digested and law books needed to be read in a limited time. Then,  I really have to maximize my time wisely and efficiently to understand what I’m reading and how I’m going to incorporate into class discussion to be able to survive and pass all my subjects especially the BAR exam subjects. 

Entering law school this year is like  360 degrees u-turn from what I usually do. I really really really have to give my best shot to survive.  I should exert Magis (to do more on your best) starting from now until the BAR exam  so that I will become a successful law practitioner in the near future. I should always aim for excellence in whatever I will be going to face in the upcoming days.

To be a lawyer is my biggest dream to the extent that I’m willing to trade my leisure just to make this dream into reality. And I wanted to help to serve justice to the depressed and oppressed citizens in our country.  This is my top goal why I wanted to pursue law even if I already have a license to practice my field as a psychometrician. (Well, technically, its my parents dream).

Even if I have a lot of things I needed to do, I will prioritize in time management to have consistency or even keel because I know with the proper and determine mindset, everything will follow smoothly. 

But above all, I can do all things through CHRIST who strengthens me because without Him, I am nothing. To have a even keel relationship with God doesn’t only help you grow intimately in spiritual aspect but you also grow as a whole being. The biggest secret to achieve and make the most of our life purpose.


I hope you learned a thing or two from this post (not as couch potato, obviously). I really wanted to know how you can maintain an even keel in your agendas. And maybe you can share some tips how to deal with time management efficiently. Constructive comments are welcome and accepted! See you on my next post, okay? Ciao 🙂

P.S. I might be in blogging hiatus for the coming days since classes will start next week on the 16th of June 2015. Please pray for me. Thanks. God bless 🙂

Off to my next life chapter! #LouisseLife#Diaries

Do you ever feel like a stranger in your own school but at the same time nostalgic?

Yes, I feel it when I was in school today .

I’m in a hurry when I hailed a motorela (Its a local transportation here in CDO) going to my school by 4pm (June 8, 2015) today so that I can be able to catch the department’s office hours to secure an admission slip before I can proceed to finance office. A little bit sweaty and disoriented, I immediately entered the Law Department to secure the said slip yet I was advise to get it on the designated window. Minutes later, I gave my Alumni ID and waited patiently for the tiny slip that will help me later on the enrollment process.

By the way, I was alone.

Standing at the side near the stairs, I observe the people around me and everything seems to be foreign in my eyes. I didn’t have a chance to recognize or familiarize faces that I came across with. In the span of a year, everything changed. And I felt like I was out from school for like about 5 years but the truth is, It was just a year equivalent to one academic year.

The past year was more on finishing the last battle: Passing the first Psychometrician Licensure Exam. And I did successfully became a registered psychometrician (RPm)! So last year, I was out in the real world and prove to succeed. The first step that I decided to took after graduation (I’m a BS Psychology degree holder, by the way) was to take the first board exam for psychometrician. I was part of the almost 3000 alpha batch takers on the said licensure exam and among the 1,000+ who fortunately and successfully passed it. Aside from choosing to pursue the first licensure examination with a big leap of faith, I took the  LSAT (Law School Admission Test) while preparing my necessary papers for the board. I did passed the exam and I was left by one dilemma: To pursue law school and forget about the board exam or vice versa. Still undecided, I processed my papers for law school and even passed the final interview prior to be allowed to enroll. With God’s Grace, I receive the go signal to enroll in the given schedule. I was excited yet half-hearted because of my dilemma. The last resort that I could think of that time  was to take both of it at the same time.

Orientation for my board exam conducted by the review center was scheduled at the same time on the first day of enrollment in law school. Imagined how stressed out I was in deciding where to attend. Since the review class orientation was scheduled in the morning, I opted to attend it first and deal with the enrollment later on the day. While I was on my way to the orientation, I prayed to God asking a sign about which of the two I should pursue and then it was answered. The orientation went on smoothly while I’m kinda bored but one topic caught my attention: Review Schedules. As Sir Dennis (The CEO of the Review Center) discussed, he opened about the double review a month before the board exam in Manila. I immediately sit up and think whether or not to go on with the double review offer. Board examination was scheduled on the last week of October and mock board exam was then scheduled on the middle of the first week in the same month. Without second thoughts, I called my parents and told them that I should take the board exam first and hold  law school for the next year. They both agreed because they sense what’s my stand on these two big decisions that I will be taking and how serious I am to achieve both matters successfully.  I went on with the decision to take the boards and the rest is history. (Thankfully, I passed the boards! Thank God!)

Back to the present time, I was the last one to get my admission slip that I ended up almost running towards the finance for my down payment. Fortunately, I was able to catch up the last ride for the day, I mean the last batch accommodated by the cashier (Unfortunately, I forgot to get my forms for term activation).

Holding my official receipt, I took a deep breath and told myself “This is it! I’m going to Law School and chase my dream to become a lawyer.” I’m a step closer on finishing the enrollment process which will be continued tomorrow or should I say later since its already past 1 am.

The thing is, everything seems to be so fast and I really believe that the only constant in this world is change.  Last year, I hold back on entering law school because I took the risk on taking the Psychometrician Board Exam but now, here I am and ready to step up. I even started to read the case digest assigned to us for the mock law class on Saturday. Excited right? Naah. I have pre-class jitters (if the term even existed) so I have to skimmed what’s a case digest looks like to lessen my anxiety and it was pretty long but I know I can manage with God’s help because I know that I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. I’m one step closer on fulfilling God’s purpose.

Still on the same school but different degree. #OneBigFight

I think I talked-I mean wrote too much already and I needed to sleep right now so that I won’t be groggy later.

Off I go to my next life diary in Law School! Do pray for me to successfully finish this journey 🙂

God bless you everybody!

Lots of love, hugs and kisses ❤

Louisse signing off.

P.S. Atty. Mary Louisse Rulona in the making. (God’s will and I’m claiming it!)