1 AM Monday Confession

Growing up, I was taught not to be afraid to speak up as long as I don’t cause injury to others. Speaking about anything from my opinions and principles to my life and anything under the sun made me entitled to walk my talk. A lot of you read them in my socmed accounts and even get chance to talk with me.

I have this mindset of “paninindigan ko ang sinabi ko” but sometimes, it got me on troubled waters since not all the time that I’m right with my perception. These past months, I tried to keep silent about my struggles and how it affect me. A few people knew of my past on how I have trust issues and affect my treatment with others. A constant battle to trust someone or stay suspicious and reserve.

Few of them thought I’m just being uptight and kill joy but they never thought of me trying to hold the line of letting somebody in my walls. Getting outside my comfort zone is and will never be an issue. I may be an open book to some but it’s actually a tip of the iceberg.

I’m sharing this one to let the world know that each one of us has a constant battle with ourselves, whether they admit it or not, and how support system will help those who struggled more to live a life far from the chaos of being tied to society’s standards. Anxiety is not just getting worried, it goes beyond from feeling anxious.

For me, half of the battle is won when we fought back against our fears and speak up to let them know that we are still human capable of struggles to keep ourselves together. Society may criticize us all they want but showing vulnerability is being human. I speak up not to gain pity or popularity, but to show them it’s okay to feel helpless and vulnerable once in a while but remember to stand up three times when you fall back twice. We have to fight our inner monsters who have been stealing our worth.

For those who know someone struggling, understand and be their support system. You never know how they fought hard to keep it together. Now, I wanna say I’m proud of my mental scars because it takes a lot of courage and support to get over them.

To those who are in the verge of giving up, there is always hope and how my faith with God helps a lot. Remember, you’re not alone.

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Not all wishes came from a magic lamp

via Daily Prompt: Genie

 

As I begin to rub the lamp, a smoke burst out and a genie came into sight.

Master, I’ll give you three wishes” he said.

“I wish to forget about him and move on with my life” I said in a whisper. “I’ve been wanting to learn how to forget about him since the day he broke my heart”

The Genie sigh and look at me with regret in his eyes. “I’m sorry, Master. I cannot grant your wish”

Pursing my lips in disbelief, why can’t he? He’s a genie for goodness sake.

“Why? Don’t you see I’ve been suffering since the day he broke my heart. I cannot take this anymore.”

Master, not all wishes can be granted. Sometimes, your wish can be granted within you. You cannot just wish that the pain you felt right now be gone by wishing. It takes time for you to get over because the pain that you’re feeling right now, can bring joy to you in the days to come. It takes courage to let go the person who once held your heart but choose to break it. And master, you can’t just unloved somebody like getting it done overnight because that person, no matter how he hurt you, will always have a special place in your heart. Learn to forgive and let go.”

 

The Crank thing called love

Crank


(n) a person who has strange ideas and behaves in strange ways.


Put down your phone and look up absentmindedly to the ceiling.

How can one person gives you a feeling that creates strange ideas?

Ideas of belongingness the moment you held their hand or the moment you get a 5 seconds eye to eye contact.

Your mind keeps wandering to picture perfect scenarios playing like a movie in your eyes.

Maybe it was meant to be this way? Longing for a moment with the person you can’t get off your mind.

How can one person behaves in strange ways?

Strange ways you do for the person you can never stop thinking.

Things you do for the first time or maybe craziest as long as the certain person is there with you.

Maybe it was bound to happen? Doing it together is like making stars collide.

This moment is where the crank thing called love happens because it is always meant and bound to be perfect in your own eyes.

 

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Put Your Records on

via Daily Prompt: Song

Corrine Bailey Rae’s Put Your Records On is one of the songs I never get tired listening to. The song shows us it is okay to commit mistake while finding one’s self. It teaches us to be carefree from society’s standard.

If you’ve been following my blog posts, I always advocate for self-importance and self-love. These two are important factors not to blinded from what the society expects us to be.

Few days ago, social media erupted from a certain Franco Mabanta’s post about “pro-fat shaming”. In my own opinion, I got his point but if he’s encouraging others to lost weight, why does he need to throw some dirt? He can encourage wellness challenge in a nice way.

What is disturbing on his post is the fact that his ideal weight of being fit and sexy is on size zero. A society standard that brainwashed a lot of people. He never considers people who are suffering from eating disorders, hormonal imbalance, and one’s body built among others.

Though there are a lot of success stories circulating in the internet pond of people who loses great amount of weight but as we know, one story is not the same with others. What is applicable to one, will  highly not be applicable to other. There is always an exception to the general rule and exception to the exception.

Crazy how society standard cause great prejudice to people. Some were denied to work because of the so-called standards and some were even bullied. I always dream of a society who promotes self-love and acceptance, not standards that are discriminating.

No sex, religion, race, skin color, weight, or social status makes one above from others. We are all equal in this world and in the eyes of God.

As the line of Put Your Records On goes, “When you gonna realize that you don’t even have to try any longer? Do what you want to.”

Just be who you are. Break free from the slavery of society’s standards. We deserve to celebrate one’s uniqueness and equality.

(Don’t) fall in love with a conversant

Conversant

Don’t fall in love with a conversant because they know exactly what to say. A conversant is knowledgeable and familiar with anything under the sun that even the freckles on your face was already counted in their minds. They can dressed in their wittiest or deep self but it never matters since a conversant blends like a chameleon.

They always know what to say even in the slightest weather change. Conversant makes a good company but falling with their smart mouths and knowledge is somehow a nightmare dressed in a daydream.

There will never be dull moments with a conversant for staying silent is deafening to their own souls. They will always know what to talk about or saying something out of the blue. From the conversant, they lived to converse for it is their venue to show their prowess and knowledge in things.

They can be commanding a lot of times because they confidently know with the knowledge they possessed. Most of the time, they are just there in the sidelines waiting for the spotlight.

Small talks and sweet nothings may be their forte but smart mouth is something they are proud of.

More or less, they are controlling without them knowing. The reason why you don’t fall in love with a conversant.

Don’t fall in love with a conversant if you never enjoy talking for hours and without minding where it is heading to.

Don’t fall in love with a conversant if listening is the last thing you wanted to do.

Just don’t fall in love with a conversant if everything is out of hand and without  minding you.

Fall in love with a conversant if finally, you learn to listen and make communication a constant thing to do because conversant needs someone who knows to listen and when to just shrugged it off.

 

It takes one step forward of courage

via Daily Prompt: Courage

Courage

I’ve been in hiatus again because of my busy work-school-life balance. Juggling school and work is a one tough act to do that I haven’t mastered yet. Anyway, today’s prompt is about courage and I wanted to connect it with my recent life happenings. I’m beginning to look like an open book here throughout my prompts HAHAHAHA.

If you’re following my blog, I have an entry entitled “Entry 02 Dead end is reality” under writings for him category which I take down today because I finally have the courage to take it down after a month or so, posting it on my blog. I’m learning to accept the fact that there can never be an “us”. I already make amends with myself without reservations.

I started 2018 with a hopeful heart of declaring this year as my year despite of the year-end heartaches and disappointments along the way. This life is crazy yet living it is worth it.

It took me a lot of courage to stand up and move on from all those stumble blocks. I learn the hard way of letting those things go because I have to before I can fully embrace self-importance.

I’ve been emphasizing self-importance throughout my blogposts but doing it for yourself takes a lot of courage to walk your talk. I have this inner battle of contradicting reality but accepting things the way it is, feels like a breakthrough from my comfort zone. It is liberating, satisfying, and beautiful. Knowing there’s more this life can offer made me realize to break free and learn how to fly.

The first two months of 2018 never promised me an ideal year but it teach me to be myself and learn to accept things the way it is. I have learn to choose the battles that I should fight for and let go of things that are not meant to be mine in the first place.

It took me a lot of courage to surrender everything to the Lord and slowly learning the art of peaceful mind and heart. A one step of courage to do it for myself brought me here and I never regret any single of it in what I did. Giving importance to yourself first above others is and will never be selfish.

One thing I’m sure of in this progress: life’s breakthrough started with one’s courage to move forward.

This is not yet the end of this journey of self-importance. It is just the beginning. I can’t wait to share with you my insights about life.

P.S. Comment on this post what you want me to talk about or feature on my next blogpost. It may be my opinion or anything under the sun. I probably make a movie review on Begin Again because I just recently watched it and I love it!

Chasing time? Are you really late?

via Tardy

I’ve been in hiatus because I’m busy with my midterm exams as well as with my work and other stuff. Anyway, just like any other people, I’m one of those who always get late in class or appointments that I needed to attend to because 1) I lived far from the city proper where my daily routine goes like and 2) any other fortuitous events that I somehow encounter.

The purpose of posting this daily prompt is not to brag about my tardiness but I want to share something that is dear to me.

I’ve been struggling in managing my feelings towards someone for months now that each day made me confused on what I really felt. There are times I was blinded with the ideal concept that I tend to forget what reality is all about.

I shared my dilemma to a friend of mine who prayed for me (I wish I could share what he told me on his devotion. I’ll still ask permission from him to share it to you guys and if he permits, I’ll share it on my next blog post, hopefully). What he shared made me realize a lot of things especially in the mundane manner.

As part of the millenial generation, we tend to chase time like we will be late for class. How we did it? We tend to control everything around us and it is not healthy because we expect much from it. Expecting much means greater disappointments.

Right now, I realized the importance of waiting and how it will bring joy to us. In this fast pacing world, we have to hold our horses and let intervening events flow naturally. Let go and let God, they said for there is a season for everything.

To somebody out there chasing time, take a pause and a deep breath, you’re not late no matter how fast this world revolves. Always remember that we are like fruit bearing trees, we have respective season for harvest where we reap what we sow. Do not belittle or feel pity for yourself but instead, stand proud and do what you are meant to do. Discover what you’re passionate about and everything will fall into places, eventually. Lastly, hold on to your faith in Him for He is God and He knows the perfect time for us. And remember, He is always on time.