Day 1: My response to the question “And why are you still single?”

Before I will start sharing my response on everyone’s favorite question, I will give you a background why I came up with this post. It all started with browsing Mandy Hale’s The Single Woman website then I happened to stumbled on her The Single Woman’s 30 day blogging challenge which was started way back 2013. I read the topics for the 30 day challenge and I was like, “I should try this one!” then Tadaaa! I’m up for the challenge 🙂

So here it goes…

 

And why are you still single?

 

One of the questions that I really have a hard time to answer. It was like the most dreaded one million question of who wants to be a millionaire. It was really hard on my part because I have a lot of versions to answer it—a chain of answers for the record actually.

Because of it, we might be doing a little bit of time travel here. So, shall we start with teenage years?

When I was in High school, I always reason out that I was young and naive. I had this mindset to just do very well in school. Being a student-athlete and an all around leader, I tend to be reserve and be a good model to my fellow students. Also, I was deeply in love with my teammate that time that my attention was fully revolving around him. I can’t even pinpoint his flaws because he seems perfect. *shaking my head*
If my High school self would answer this question, she might said “I’m waiting for Mr. Perfect to come” but in her mind, she waits to be notice by her long time teammate crush. Well, puppy love on its finest, isn’t it?

When the summer before college came, everything did a 360° turn. I ended to like somebody else to the point of having mutual understanding but the problem was we’re miles apart. At this moment, I might answered “I’m still single because long distance relationship isn’t my thing.”

When College came, I ended up being insecure. Being enrolled on a prestigious university has something to do with diversity. Beauty of different race and variety emerges. The next thing I knew, I was being conscious on what to wear every first month of the sem and Wednesday wash days. Most girls transformed into a model and made the school corridor their runway. And me being insecure, my self-esteem somehow deflated. College seemed to be my awkward stage of development. If given a question like this one, my college self would definitely answer “I’m not good enough because I’m not like this and like that. Blah. Blah.”
I just don’t understand why people based their preferences on physical alone. Haven’t they encountered multiple intelligence and Smart is the new sexy? Oh well, I guess they just need a trophy girlfriend/boyfriend after all.

My reasons on why I’m still single got more shallower than before. But everything did a numerous 360° and back flips when I read a book entitled “I kissed dating goodbye by Joshua Harris”. It was given to me when I turned 18 by a family friend. And with all honesty, my answer to the given question changed into something real. You can relate to me if you’ll read the book/you have read the book.

The joy of intimacy is the reward of commitment

This Little Relationship Principle stated on the book made me realize a lot of things especially on the purpose why am I still single. When we say intimacy, it talks about being affectionate to the other person while commitment is a long term agreement that made two people bound to each other. It isn’t just merely an obligation but it is a union of promise and dedication of two people. It goes beyond momentary pleasures.Then, I realized that intimacy and commitment should go hand in hand. There most be a sense of equilibrium between the two. One shouldn’t be more than the other one. It’s like a 2 in 1 package deal.

With all honesty, I’m not yet ready for a long term commitment. The word itself scares me. Bunch of scenarios popped into my head that made me realize that I’m not yet capable of being in a relationship. Truly, I enjoy being intimate with another person (not sexually) but the thing is, commitment scares my whole being.

What if I’m not enough?
What if I messed up big time?
What if one day he will just ask the question “Will you marry me” and yet I’m not ready?
What if I lose the spark between us along the way?

These questions keep flooding my mind when I reflect on going dating. And it really scares me. I couldn’t afford to be regretful in the end if I impulsively take the risk.

Now, if I will be ask again, “And why are you still single?” I would definitely give them a real answer. An answer that reflects my heart.

And here is my stand…

I’m still single because I’m not yet ready for commitment. Yes, I admit that I’m in love with love but to be in a relationship isn’t just about love. It goes beyond one’s readiness on commitment to the other person in the end. And besides, God’s still busy writing my love story. In His time, everything will be perfect according to His plan. It may take time but surely, it will be all worth it.

I will put my trust in the Lord for He knows the desires of my heart. And while waiting, I will serve Him.

 

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Ecclesiastes 3:1 says “To everything there is a season, a time for every purpose under heaven.”.

This verse reminds me that everything will take place on their perfect time. Like a caterpillar, in due time, it will evolve into a butterfly. Everything that is all worth it takes time. We just have to be patient enough to obey God’s word. He knows what’s best for each one of us. He wants us to mold into a person according to our respective purpose.

Being single isn’t bad afterall. We should be thankful to spare ourselves from detouring to God’s purpose. All we need is to trust Him and while we wait, we will cultivate our God given talents to share in the world.

Lastly, being single is a gift not a curse. Just always remember that there’s a season for everything. 🙂

Xoxo,
Louisse

P.S. I want to share this quote to you to appreciate your singleness.
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